I'm Not A Stalker...Honestly

I find myself once again falling for an agent. Between researching, querying and submitting requested material, it's hard not to find one agent in the process that you would love to work with. During my first round of querying I fell hard for a top notch agent. I never expected that this "no response means no" agent would actually request a partial (50 pages) of my manuscript. I was elated and then the obsession began. I did more research about the agent, her client list and the successes that she brought to first time authors. Then a week later, the rejection letter came. I was crushed. Initially, when she requested material I thought it was a fluke. When my hopes were dashed, I knew it was one. Now I can't even look at the agency's name without thinking of what could have been.

Presently, I'm completely focused on my next project. Keeping the querying manuscript far from my thoughts. But after two requests for the full manuscript, my stalkish ways have started again. Both agents who have the material are excellent and I know either one will do the book justice, but there is one who has more of an internet presence, making it easier for me to obsess. Since rejection has a possibility to be imminent, and more unanswered queries still out there, I don't want to focus on one agent. Hell, I don't even want to think about this manuscript and what agents are interested and who are not. Of course, rejections I have received still sting, but I've become thick-skinned. Both interests I thought at first were rejections. I guess I'm used to it.

Anyway, I found who I think would be the perfect agent for me. She seems passionate for her writers' work and is willing to put in the extra attention to make a deal. An added bonus is that she's looking for the YA I write. In my mind it's a perfect fit. Too bad there are two people in this equation. After reading it, she might not think we fit. Then I am once again bruised by the harshness of this business. Knowing me, only to find another agent to fall for.

The beating has begun.....

Today I embarked on my next round of querying. I'm either a true writer, dedicated to finding an agent or a sadomasochist looking to be beaten repeatedly by rejection. I would like to believe I was the first, but as the replies begin to role in, I might be proven to be the latter.

I sent them out this afternoon. Two will be snail mailed tomorrow. My last post will be tested. Hopefully, I won't embarrass myself by checking my email crazily. Of course, I already checked it and there was a reply. "So soon?" I thought. Barely two hours later. Don't get me wrong, I love an agent who responses quickly. I rather have an answer (good or bad), then nothing. But I was hoping I could have a day or two, considering the work week is almost over, at least until Monday before the beating commenced. I should've waited for the weekend. Then I had a surefire chance not to be rejected until next week.

Also, true to form, I didn't open yet. I'm instead, typing this blog entry, trying to stall as long as possible. But like this entry, that too will come to an end. Wish me luck!