It Happens For A Reason

If you're a believer that everything happens for a reason, then my recent up rise in rejections (querying, as well as job changing), then the (hopefully) last disappointment will add to the unknown reason. Not to be personal (it's better if I keep something's a mystery), I work in Higher Education (full time and adjuncting). I got an email that my adjunct class was cancelled due to low enrollment. Apparently, seniority doesn't mean anything, otherwise I would've been given the full class.

Hearing my recent plight, everyone is telling me that it happened for a reason. It would be nice to know what that reason was. Sure, I'll be able to focus more on my writing considering I only have my full time day job to drive me crazy, but I had that "break" all Summer and I was looking forward to teaching again. Plus, missing this semester blows my accumulated succession of semesters, making it no longer free to take non-credited courses. Although I didn't partake on them, I just reached such a status last semester ago (ergo, not enough time).

Now feeling really down about this latest debacle (though the anger has helped with my writing), I'm left speculating what "reason" there is for all of this opposition. Here are a few that I came up with:

1. Writing related. I will finish the first draft of my latest project, and receive representation for my previous one. Therefore, my days will be pretty busy juggling the two (i.e. revisions of two different levels).

2. I will prepare this Fall and get an even better adjunct position for the Spring.

3. Since I'm looking for new full time employment (keeping my options open), I receive an offer and begin a new journey at a different college.

4. Nothing happens.

Being a complete skeptic, I vote for option 4, but there is a little glimmer of optimism in me that I'll be surprised and have a mixture of the top three. Who knows, it could happen.

To Be Continued......

It's Nothing Personal

If you recall, in "I'm Not a Stalker...Really" I expressed my desire to work with an agent who had an Internet presence in the form of an excellent blog. Well the email that I was waiting for came and it was a rejection (form) letter (email). Ending the possibilities of finding a home for my project and all projects to come. Normally, I'm able to take the blow and move on, but it has become clear, that a rejection over a query is very different than having a manuscript rejected.

In "Mixed Reviews," I ranted how it's mind blowing agents can decide on whether to see your manuscript based on a query (and possibly sample pages). Those rejections I can handle without seeing it as personal (I received five in the past two days and I'm still standing-unfazed). Agents (and gatekeepers) are bombarded with writer hopefuls, praying that someone will find interest with their work. But when a agent finds interest, requests more and than rejects you, how can you not take it personal?

Take this analogy if you will. To me, the query letter is like an annoying door-to-door salesperson ringing (and/or knocking) on your door. A request for a partial/full manuscript is the same as offering that person into your home. Do you know how rare access is? So once you get inside it's up to the salesperson to convince the homeowner to purchase what he/she is selling. In the world of publishing, once a substantial sample of your work is in an agent's hands, it's your writing that will have that impact necessary to obtain representation.

There are many reasons why an agent won't offer representation. Either he/she didn't connect to the material. The writing sucked. The story sucked. Too much to revise. Not easily marketable. Unfortunately, the agent most of the time gives a polite form rejection letter that usually implies that the manuscript wasn't the problem, but the agent's enthusiasm towards it was. It's (again) polite and encouraging, but still gives the author hope that one agent will have that fervor the others lacked. But, if the writing and/or story sucked, an agent's acceptance will never come. For some that might be okay, but for me I would like to know.

If a writer's growth is based on how he/she progresses through revisions and further projects, then it would be helpful to know an agent's honest opinion. Especially, if she/he thought it was worth reading. I'm not asking for line to line analysis, just one's overall perception. It still can be polite, just straight to the point. Why should I waste another agent's time if the manuscript is completely doomed? Besides, I'm still going to possess the same thoughts with a formed rejection then I would without being told the truth.

Mixed Reviews

So far, agents (or the gatekeepers to those agents), either love me or hate me (my query that is), based on query alone. I find it odd that a one paragraph synopsis could have the agent interested or not. Some say that the query is harder than writing the manuscript in the first place. I seriously would have to agree. It's extremely difficult to say, "Read me!" within two paragraphs.

My usual query letter has two paragraphs dedicated to the manuscript (paragraph one: the hook; paragraph two: the synopsis), followed by a paragraph dedicated to me as a writer (my inexperience in the writing world and my marginal successes in other writing realms) and then I end the letter with why I thought the agent would be interested in my book (sometimes citing examples of work they've represented).

That is not hardly enough to base a decision if you like it or not. So obviously the agent (or gatekeeper) must be going on subject matter alone. Not the YA part, because I wouldn't have queried them if they didn't represent YA, it's the type. This seems to be the problem with my creativity.

I write YA (which I mentioned before), but not the fairytale "everything's going to be fine" type. I feel that if the voice is to be believable, there can't be a fairytale ending, just comprehension - growth. My protagonist has a journey to make, and she comes in contact with others on their own journeys. Naturally there's no smooth sailing, she's a teenager. That alone should scream the makings of an emotional rollercoaster in the land of the unknown (which could be anything).

Isn't that the goal of writing YA? To capture the uncertainty, while showing the growth that comes from discovering the unknown? I admit my world is darker or "edgier" than some, but it's still the same world. Nothing is sugar coated and syrupy sweet, but does that mean because of its rough edges, it will be passed up? Where only a brave few will be willing to read passed the initial query? Has it come to me making the edges disappear so that more agents will be interested? I can't even fathom an unrealistic imaginary world of force fed happiness.

Soundtracking Your Life

If your life was a movie, what songs would be playing as backdrops to the scenes in your life? On any given day (hour), I jump on the music spectrum from rock to rap, with some heavy mental scattered in. Not to forget the mid-spectrum rock-rap like Jayz and Linkin Park or Rage Against the Machine (Oh how I would've loved to have been Mrs. Zach De La Rocha). Then there's classical, R&B, Pop and those "oldies" no one can escape. Plus, there's the music I can't categorize like Tricky (Is he considered techno?) Regardless, these are the melodies that forever play in my head. My MP3 Player is a testament to my diverse musical palate.

Today I found myself wavering between a don't-mess-with-me-or-you'll-get-the-wrath-meant-for-someone-else mood and a just-leave-me-alone-and-let-me-be-glum mood. Since I'm borderline paranoid, I won't go into specifics. Let's just say that I am having a difficult time with a recent meeting I had with my supervisor, that left a bitter taste in my mouth. One that has me loathing waking up on a weekday. Couple that with my mild case of writer's block and a chest cold that refuses to develop or defuse, I'm a snarky force to be reckon with. Therefore, my soundtrack today thus follows:

Jayz/Linkin Park - 99 Problems

Kittie - Brackish

Beth Hart - Learning to Live

Howie Day - Collide

Howid Day - Sorry So Sorry

God Smack - Whatever

Garbage - Bleed Like Me

Everly - Maybe

Korn - One

Eminem/Rihanna - Love The Way You Lie (I guess the secret's out, I'm a closet Eminem fan.)

With the weekend almost here, I wonder what tomorrow's soundtrack will be. Stay tune...

A Watched Pot...

Can the old saying "A watched pot never boils" apply to emails? My inbox (my email dedicated to writing) has been empty for days, dare I say weeks. At first, I checked it twice a day, trying not to fall into the every hour trap that so many of us find ourselves in. Forgive me, for I have sinned. I found myself doing the one thing that I didn't want to do. In the beginning, I kept to my twice a day. Then agent responses started coming in. Naturally, knowing that a request could be waiting for me, I was compelled to continuously check my email account, usually to find nothing. Now I'm desperately waiting those agents who is so many words make it clear patience is a virtue one needs for their response. So I wait and watch...and watch...and watch, until I hate the very idea of email. It's so instant. It almost makes me wish that more agents were old fashion and insist on snail mail. The urge is so strong, I've already checked my email twice as I wrote this rant on the very subject. Is there such thing as an email checker addiction? If so, when's the meeting?

Risks & Rewards

With every risk that is made, comes a reward. Risk - Reward. Risk - Reward. I've been taking many risks, yet haven't seen any rewards. Actually, that's not true. It was a risk to even write a novel and I was greatly rewarded when I finished it. Shouldn't that be enough? Why do I have this - at times zany - need to have others read my work? I'm not egotistic. I don't want to be glorified. I just want others to find enjoyment in what I wrote as I had. Reading rejection letters that clearly state the agent wasn't interested in the story or not interested enough to read more, is discouraging. It's a business and I understand that. But for me, it's more.